Sunday, September 10, 2006

The Watchers

I live in a small place. Everyone knows most everybody else in this place. We know our neighbors. There are some people who live here that really like to know their neighbors. They patrol the area like cops on their beats. Complaints are filed at the town office. Trouble is started for anyone doing anything that might cause property values to lower. It frustrates many of us just trying to live our lives, you know, live and let live. Why must they be in our business? Why must they meddle in our affairs?

I grow tired of dealing with the hassle here sometimes. Until I remember there are people like this everywhere. Even David wrote about this and what we should do about these guys:

Psalm 1

Blessed is the man that does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.

O LORD, that I would get out of the way of evil men. Jesus, teach me to love them all, to abhore the wrong they do, and to pray for my enemies. Above all else, teach me to love others.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Stolen identity

I found out very recently that my credit card has some odd purchases on it. The credit card company found them and is investigating. No real harm has come of it. The amounts are very small. We haven't had to pay for this problem and new cards are forthcoming. Still, it is oddly unsettling to have this happen. How did this happen? My credit card is in my wallet. Where did this happen? The only logical answer is that it happened somewhere in cyber space.

When I began this blog I realized that I was severely limited in what I could share by privacy. I can't tell readers if I have girl or boy children. I don't feel comfortable talking about where I live. I feel very guarded in discussing anything of any true feeling because it will be attributed to me and come back and bite me somehow. People know me and they know I write online. If I share information then I might be embarrassed by the content. I know my Dad doesn't really appreciate that I am sharing anything at all. I guess it's the old family adage....Don't put your business on the streets!

Nothing is really private. I could be photographed right now in my own home. Barring privacy curtains it could be happening to you. The thing that brings comfort is this: God is also watching. He is watching out for me. He cares what happens to me. How do I know? I don't know. I just know that I know. He formed me in my mother's womb. In the most private inmost parts of my mother, God could see me. I don't feel the foreboding wrath of God over that fact. It gives me great peace to know that God is checking on me daily.

Did you know that there is a mark upon us that God has put on us that believe in Him? It is to show that we belong to Him. An identity that can not be stolen, not even if our bodies be murdered. That makes me feel safe. When I was younger I feared an intruder might come and try to hurt me. As I got older I realized that no lock or alarm could really stop them. It is unsettling to know that even good people are harmed every day. Isn't it good to know that who we are, our true identity, is saved by God?

There is a place of quiet rest,
near to the heart of God,
a place where sin can not molest,
near to the heart of God.
(hymn)

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Renouncing FOR the throne

I heard recently that the problem with asking forgiveness for a sin and going back and committing again is a common thing. The difference with people who don't ever do it again is that they RENOUNCE the sin rather than just REPENT of the sin. How very interesting. Before I got married, my husband made it clear that he thought cigarette smoking was a disgusting habit. I didn't tell him, but I would puff a few while downing the occasional drink. Because I wanted him more than the cigarettes I went home and trashed a nearly full pack of lovely mint clove cigarettes. I still think about smoking. I have even had a problem with secreting a smoke here and there. But I always repent and get back on the straight and narrow. If I could do this for my earthly husband, why not God who I am supposed to be married with spiritually? I hope that very soon my sins will be like that nearly full pack of cigarettes and end up in the bottom of a landfill never to be seen again.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Slop Bucket Christianity

I have never identified with Lot's wife before. As a child hearing the story, I was amazed at how stupid she could be to turn around and do the thing God said specifically not to do. How many times have I done that in my own life? I woke up with my heart pounding several nights ago. I was still in that half fog state of dreaming. I was in the middle of conversation with God. He was telling me that I had been like Lot's wife. Here I am, a confirmed Christian. I am looking back on the evil I have done and longing for it again. So many people have told me that watching Sex in the City is not a terrible thing. It is, though. If I want to be close to Jesus in relationship, I should sever ties with all that is evil. It's not the sex that's evil. It's the foul language and the raunchy behavior. It's not just the show, either. It's me, not looking forward to all I have been promised by my heavenly father, instead dwelling on the past. My earthy father calls that being a slop-bucket Christian. Constantly going back and digging up sins that have long since been forgiven. Or worse, in my case, wanting to go back to those sins and do them again.

But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the scorn of fools. Psalm 39:7,8

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Slow Pace/ Rat Race

The pace of this life is very different from that around me. While others are speeding to work, I am sitting in a chair, feeding our child. People are sitting down to begin their day at a desk and I am washing dishes. I load the dishwasher, rinse or run it depending on how full it is. I load the washing machine. Typically I unload the dryer and fold the clothes I left in it from yesterday. I run the vacuum cleaner. In the meantime, our child has spit up on the carpet so I get out the cleaner and wipe it up. While others are going in twos and threes to lunch, I eat alone. I eat leftover dinner from the night before, or I make a salad or sandwich. Our child eats again. I'm getting bored just writing this.

Just recently a very famous article written by a (now) very famous woman suggested that being a housewife is both demeaning and unneccessary. What I do is unnecessary. According to her. I walked around feeling morose for a day or two after that. Should I be out there with the rest of you? Should I be contributing more than a hot meal for my family, a bedtime story or two? Is what I do really so expendable? Some days I would definitely answer yes. Some days, someone else would do a much better job at this than me. And with a better attitude. The jobs I do are not mentally challenging. The structure of my day allows for plenty of free time.

What she's really saying is that smart women shouldn't be at home, but it's alright for women who don't have degrees. Truly. I have a degree. I have children. I am in direct conflict with her beliefs. I should be making a solid contribution to this world and cease to do menial work. Child care is menial work. It's repetitious and mindless and boring. Sometimes.

O.K. So I come to this conclusion....this is only a short phase of my life. I can get on with work in a few years. Our children are young, and I don't want to pass them off on some child care worker somewhere. I don't want to entrust the younger years of our kids onto other people. So, yeah, what I do seems like a whole lot of nothing some days, but if I didn't do it....you'd notice. I'm a mother.

Nothing I'm saying hasn't been said before or better by someone else. It's just that it's meaningful to me. It means something to a lot of women. I'm not saying I'm better than working women, because we're all working women. I'm just saying that I can't justify working outside the home. Recently, I lamented to my own mother (who stayed home, then just recently went back to work) that I don't do anything. She said I was giving our children a happy childhood. So that's what I'm doing. I'm giving our kids a happy childhood.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Boob Tube

Four words....sex in the city. I have been addicted. Absolutely shameless, I know. I don't have cable. I don't subscribe to satellite. On a local station every week night, two back to back episodes are aired. It doesn't even come in all that well. I sit up and glue my eyeballs to the screen. It has been edited for content. Still, it is totally out of the realm of anything a Christian should be watching. I have felt somewhat justified because lots of women I know love this show. I recently started renting movies from an online service and I tried a season of this show for my first month's selections. The blinders came off, friends. This show is REALLY trashy. Which only titillates the senses more. I decided to openly pray about it. It isn't like God doesn't have an idea about what I'm doing. He knows. So I asked for strength in renouncing this. Guess what. I got as far as swinging my legs over the side of the bed to pad up the stairs to plop down in front of the boob tube (literally). I couldn't do it. That small, still, right voice said to me.....why do you want to watch filth? The old stand-by "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil" continues to be true. If I want to go to the next level of intimacy with the LORD, then I have to give this garbage up. I started memorizing the 121st psalm today. Might as well replace garbage with something worthwhile.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

 Posted by Picasa

Trash Talkin'

My mouth has always been an issue (see Mouth Harping). I have never gained control over the words that fly out of my mouth. I will use language that is inappropriate for a Christian, I will gossip or slander someone. I am apt to speak about things which are best left unsaid. There are so many scripture references that talk about this (see the ENTIRE book of James, for instance) and yet I still sin with the hole just below my nose. Do I not possess the tubing that runs from my mind to my mouth to stop myself before I blow it? I have often prayed about this issue, asking God to take away my sin and vowing afresh to cease in this sin. I heard something recently that makes an enormous difference, though. RENOUNCEMENT vs. Regretfulness. When one renounces a behavior they vow to NEVER do it again. Somewhere in the back of my mind I can hear myself say, "But when I do, He'll forgive me.". That's a little self-defeating, I know? I am hoping that it just gets a little better each day. This year I don't want to be constantly apologizing to people for hurt feelings or apologizing to God for the curses I spew forth. It truly is a restless evil.

If I am to move forward with God and grasp that which He has for me in this new year, I must renounce double speak forever.

I leave it in the dust, Lord. I offer this sacrifice to you.